Seeing he's digging his fingers into his hands, he realized he's punishing himself and hurting himself, feeling unworthy of himself and his self-hatred. He could take the cowardly way with his tail between his legs, but he decides to take responsibly for the damage he has done.

Being brave, he managed to come closer and wraps his arms around him, and if he feels like lashing at him, then he will take it. If only.

"I know. I'm disgusting. I'm sorry, Xingchen. It's not good for you. I need to take care of you too. You deserve better. I know it's not fair for you. I will not leave you though. Never. My love for you haven't diminished. I don't have a solution for the both of you, but I won't leave you."